Here I am on the train wishing I could fall asleep until my ride ends but I can’t do it as I normally have in the past. I suppose I’m anxious since its been a long time since I’ve been to this place. A lot of things have happened since. I’ve gone through basic training, tech school, and now I’m in the middle of active duty training and figuring out what I’m going to do once my orders end next month. I’ll have to collect unemployment, go to school, and update my resume in case I want to work part time. It’s a bit stressful not knowing how things will go from here. Last year I knew how things were going to go for the next several months. And now I’ve gone past that and I’m on the next stage of progress.
I haven’t danced since last May either. I’ve missed it terribly but I’ve been lazy as well as my work schedule working nights has prevented me from going out at the time I used to go out in. This week I have my only chance until I’m done working full time next month. I enjoy dancing but I hate the feeling of having to compete with other guys to get dances from the attractive girls.
I’m at a different point now. I have a girlfriend who I’m faithful to and I’m not messing things up, yet there’s a part of me that yearns for other women. I suppose it’s normal to feel this way? It must be my basic instincts kicking in.
I also hated the feeling of being alone at times whenever I went out. I’ve always felt alone in this world for as long as I remember. I’m never been one to make friends easily nor do I even care to try unless that person made a significant impression on me.
Even in the military it’s the same, but it’s easier to deal with since we’re trained to work together as a team, no matter who we’re with, and we’re supposed to have each other’s backs no matter what.
So yeah, I’m mulling over my options for the next month. In reality I don’t want to do anything but my current job at a better schedule. It’s just not gonna happen since I’m not active duty. Although the thought of going back to school and possibly making $75k a year after sounds like a dream come true.
I do want to get back into dancing again though because I enjoy it a lot. As I’ve mentioned in my previous posts, I hate dancing in NJ and sadly I live here. The good thing about being in the military is I now have 50% off on train tickets and it makes a huge difference. A round trip ticket alone costs $26 and I can now get it for just $13. Plus I have to pay for parking, entrance fees and food/drinks so overall I spend quite a bit every time I go out.
I look forward to having a good night out and hopefully a lot of girls will turn up there.