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It’s been a roller coaster ride since I last wrote here. When I broke up with my ex in February, it was a good thing. She moved on with her life and found someone else more deserving than I am, and I moved on to be the best person I can be. I haven’t made a real effort to find anyone new since that hasn’t been my main focus. All I wanted to do was dance and be better than I was yesterday. But sometimes things happen when you least expect it. I met someone new who was assigned to me as my dance partner. She was very reserved at first but we worked on building our connection and chemistry, and it didn’t take long before we actually looked good and stood out among our group. We also started spending more time with each other and ended up being more than just dance partners. I wasn’t initially interested in anything more than dancing but it happened. I thought she really liked me so I started having feelings for her, which turned out to be a bad idea. A week later, and the next day after I just spent the night at her place, I get a text saying we should just be friends. My heart sank and I felt a drop in my stomach. I was at work and I found it difficult to maintain my composure. I even wanted to go home early after lunch. But I persevered and decided to deal with it and act like nothing happened. I lost my appetite though so I didn’t get to eat and I was cold the rest of the time at work. Despite all the hurt I felt, she still wanted me to come over to talk and practice the routine a few times. I agreed reluctantly. After work I decided to go for a run and lift weights, which helped ease the pain a bit. I go there to see her and we spoke about it. She claims she’s still trying to get over her ex and she still wants to be friends because she claims that I help her stop taking her anti anxiety medications. I don’t know if I can believe it. I feel like it’s just another excuse and next thing you know she’s dating someone else. Not that I should care but I’d rather not associate with someone like that. It’s also my fault for letting my guard down. I was so content in staying single and just dancing. I didn’t think it made sense to be with anyone since I’m leaving the country in March for 6 months. I felt like such a fool, like how could I possibly fall for this nonsense? Anyway, I’m still stuck with her and I don’t want to change partners and spread drama and gossip among our team. I will just do my best to go through it. Luckily I have my original partner still, who I hope is still cool with me. This other girl was the secondary and I guess I’m glad this shit didn’t happen much later before our audition video. I won’t see her again until next Tuesday probably, as I will be away in Boston next weekend and on Monday I’m practicing with my main partner. I do need the time to myself and do my best to move on. Things will just never be the same between us. I still can’t believe I let myself feel deeply for someone like this. I need to be more careful next time. I won’t let anyone affect me like this. I’m responsible for my happiness and no one else. I have myself and that’s all I need. 

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