Today’s my birthday…and where I normally should feel good about things generally, I don’t. I’m not feeling well physically, first of all, and while I look forward to going on this trip the day after, I’m not really looking forward to my birthday for some reason. I guess my gf has something to do with it. I feel like I hate her. We were out on a trip this weekend and it wasn’t quite what I expected. I expected us to do things as a couple, as a team, as one unit, but I found ourselves doing things separately, not together, and it didn’t sit well with me in the end. It’s totally ok if she wants to take different workshops, but she should’ve tried to at least make me join her if that were the case, because I was trying to get her to join me in the workshops I wanted to take. It’s about doing things together. That was important to me. And she has this thing about wanting her personal space. It’s like she’s waiting for me to go off somewhere so she can disappear and do her own thing for a while. I felt really annoyed. I just felt like I had to try and control the situation in order to get us to do things together, and it felt like something I shouldn’t have to do. I couldn’t even get her to take pictures with me, which is something that couples who go there normally do, and she eventually gave in to it after she saw how disappointed I was on the last night. And at that point, I was no longer motivated and felt like I was at an all-time low. I feel like she doesn’t give a fuck about me and she only cares about herself. The only thoughts that come to mind is that I hate her and she brings out the worst in me. She makes me into a person I don’t want to be. When we got back together, she brought back some happiness and joy, but it went away and disappeared shortly after. It was still near impossible to trust her. Somehow I still think she’s secretly talking to that guy she claims she’s blocked since the time I asked her to, to prove I’m as important to her as she says I am. Why do I feel like I hate her so much? Another thing, we barely spent some intimate time during this trip, even though she’s stressed how important it was for her for us to have that. I felt like I had to entertain her to keep her from being bored, otherwise she’ll disappear off somewhere and I’m left wondering where the fuck she went and being pissed off about it. I just want to know the truth. Does she really love me, or is she just so used to being comfortable with me? Am I just her anti anxiety medication? Do I even mean anything to her? I just feel hate and anger thinking these thoughts. 2 weeks ago I wasn’t exactly feeling the happiest but I was starting to get used to the idea of being single and doing whatever I could to move on. I was productive with my time and focused on my goals. Then she had to find a way to reach out to me after blocking her on several messaging apps. And still, I keep thinking those same 3 words…”I hate her”…she doesn’t bring good feelings in my body. Even with my friends around, it just feels like she doesn’t fit in there. She’s friends with several people I don’t like, and most of those guys are creeps. I hate her. What else do I not like about her? She’s insecure about her appearance, and she hates taking pictures. She NEVER wants to post pictures of us on facebook because she says she wants to keep personal things private. She hates taking pictures but will put on a good smile when taking pics with friends. When we finally took our pictures, the one I agreed to reluctantly, it didn’t look natural. It was obvious I wasn’t happy in them, as much as I tried to force smiling. I feel like she takes me for granted. I hate the fact that she has mostly guy friends and it wasn’t so bad before until she started talking to this one guy and I discovered how inappropriate it was, to the point that I had to get her to block him. And now I wonder if there are any other guys like that she talks to. And do I want to be with someone who’s like that? Definitely not. I hate the fact that when she talks about travel plans, she won’t bother to include me in them and only talks about what she wants to do and makes excuses as to why I probably wouldn’t be able to go with her. We’re supposed to fucking do things together, especially when it comes to vacations and traveling. I hate her. I want someone who wants to make me happy, and someone I can trust. I want someone who wants to do things TOGETHER.