Unexpected turn of events

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All my plans for this weekend have pretty much gone out the window. This weekend is the reserve duty one but since I ‘re-scheduled’ it I thought I didn’t have to come in. Apparently I was wrong. I still have to show up since I’m on my annual tour. Because of this I had to cancel my plans to practice with G and stay over the night in NYC. I wouldn’t have gotten any sleep and I would’ve been exhausted if I had gone through with it. Instead I went home and fell asleep for hours. I pretty much spent the majority of the day and night sleeping. It felt good to be tested yet I’m disappointed that I didn’t get to dance and experience staying overnight in New York for the first time.

I’m hoping to have the opportunity next week since I’ll actually have the weekend off then. Oh yeah I have to miss 2 rehearsals tomorrow as well, so this pretty much sucks.

Thursday night I got to hang out with J at her place, watching videos and practicing a bit, although we didn’t get much done with that. It did feel awkward only because bachata is an intimate dance. But it was our first time practicing so maybe next time it will get better. I slept on the pull out bed and it was actually pretty comfy as it was memory foam. Even though I told her she didn’t have to, she still woke up early when I did and made me a sandwich for breakfast, which was nice. The weather sucked so I had to drive through some crappy snow and around crappy drivers. And I was still an hour early to work.

I am regretting the fact I signed up for my annual tour in March because the timing couldn’t be any more inconvenient. Fuck. I can’t wait for these 2 weeks to be over. 

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Gonna be crazy/busy weekend

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I have so much going on from tonight till this weekend, it’s ridiculous. I have to pack some clothes for the next 2-3 days including my uniform since I won’t be spending the night in my apartment for the next couple of days. Tonight after work I’m heading over to Philly to meet up with J and go to this spot for bachata. Then we leave around 1 and I’ll be staying the night at her place so I can get at least a couple hours of sleep before I get ready to go to work in the morning at 4. Then after work, I’m driving straight up to Yonkers to practice the routine with G and go out dancing afterwards. I’ll be staying the night over there as well, and thankfully I’ll get more hours of sleep. Afterwards I head back down to my apartment to recollect a bit then get ready to come back down to Philly again to practice some stuff with J. Then I go back up to NJ again and I may just call it early or head to NYC. We’ll see how my energy level will be, because I’m sure I’ll be exhausted by then after all that running around.

Last night I got to take some kizomba and semba lessons and it was fun. I got to learn a new move that I’ll consistently use since i’ve seen it a lot and it’s easy. That was my first time taking semba and while the music is different, the steps have a similarity to kizomba, and I found that I could easily improvise dancing to it. It’s pretty much a fusion of kizomba and merengue except you dance more of kizomba to it. I may have to attend one of those kizomba/semba congresses at some point just to see what it’s like. I don’t have much time to write since I have to get ready for work so I’ll update this later.

Life is a mess and I love it

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I believe I fell asleep around 2:30 then woke up around 6 AM and I could not fall back asleep since. I’m wide awake yet tired at the same time.

I’ve officially backed out of the salsa team. Pretty sure my director is disappointed but it is what it is. I’m in 2 of his 3 teams so he can’t really be that mad. It’s a huge weight off my shoulders for sure. Now I can fully focus on what I love the most. Dancing bachata. With a sprinkle of kizomba, and some zouk every now and then. And having fun doing it. Also meeting new people and building relationships with people.

It’s a new week. I learned some new stuff yesterday and revisited some footwork that also needs polishing. My Tuesdays are finally freed up so I can do other things besides take lessons or go to a rehearsal. Maybe I’ll go to a Bachatuesday in New York at some point. Who knows. I’m just glad I don’t have to stress over a salsa routine anymore.

I feel like this weekend is gonna be hectic. I’m supposed to practice with a friend on Friday after I get out of work, then we’re going to my favorite spot in NYC after. She’s even letting me stay the night, which is nice. Now I know what you’re thinking. She has another room with a separate bed, and that’s where I’ll be sleeping. Then I have to leave early the next day so I can meet up with J to practice with her at her place in Philly in the afternoon. It’s gonna be a lot of running around. Should be fun though.

My thoughts are all over the place this morning. Ugh. Yesterday’s rehearsal was interesting. I’m talking about the 3rd and last one. Although I don’t have it down perfect, I was pretty much the only guy who came in knowing all the steps we were taught, since I’ve been practicing by myself and with G the previous Friday. Some of the girls didn’t know the new partnerwork from last week also, so I had to lead them to it, which was cool to do. I got to prove to myself that I can lead, even if it’s not perfect and as long as I got them to the end of their part, that’s what matters. I saw some impressed faces too, so I know I did some good work.

Other things that’s been on my mind. My current life situation. I know it’s busy right now although I’m not exactly making a lot of money. I have my annual tour starting on Friday. I’m praying to get on Day shift so I can have a life outside of work for the next couple of weeks. That would be a real blessing. My supervisor will have to cope. I’ll make decent money off that. But the real question is making money on a consistent basis. I may be accepted on a full time job for at least 11 months, possibly more if they really want me in their company permanently, which would be nice. But I’m not counting on it. I’m supposed to start school in April, but it’s looking like I may just postpone it so I can keep enjoying my time off. I think I can survive with a part-time job and collecting unemployment in the meantime, while being wise with purchases.

I’m still on the same stance with my dating situation. I’m not concerned with other people’s expectations of me. I’m just here to have fun and enjoy life, cause it’s short. These years will pass by very quickly and then that’s when we realize how much we missed out and how much stuff we should’ve done. It’s my duty to do whatever it takes to be happy right now.

 

 

 

Another strange night

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I went to NYC tonight once again for some social dancing. The first place I went to was at this rooftop lounge on the corner of 8th and 48th. I initially thought it was the rooftop bar called 230 5th, but thank god it wasn’t, cause I have bad memories from that place. There were so many times I wanted to turn back and just go to 34th but no, I decided to persist. I finally got there and surprisingly the people who worked there were extremely nice to me. The awesome part was I never even paid a dime to get in and I was right on time even though I thought I was late (got there around 9:15, and lessons were supposed to start 15 minutes before). So it was supposed to be a sensual bachata social, meaning you’ll see a ton of people dancing super close. The lessons started off with this asian dude trying to teach us body rolls and different patterns using it. We learned 3 different ways to use it and then had partnerwork afterwards. The partnerwork didn’t really appeal to me because the way he was teaching it, there was no way you can lead one part of it socially.

This one girl I was dancing with thought I was being funny at one point. I kept telling her how weird the whole thing was, and whenever I was doing one part of the pattern, she kept thinking I was trying to make her laugh. She probably took my sarcasm literally. Haha. I did think the lesson was weird though. It would’ve been nice if we were taught something we could lead socially instead of something that just looks good for the sake of looking good. Anyway I think that guy is sorta well known in the dance community but he didn’t impress me that time. Oh well.

The social was actually pretty decent except the dance floor was way too small. People were bumping into each other everywhere and I wouldn’t dare try to dip anyone unless I was clear within a 3 meter radius, which I never was. Also, there was hardly any ventilation inside that room so it was really hot inside. And when it’s hot like that, I sweat much more than usual, and I already sweat a lot as-is, without it being hot to begin with. I found myself wiping my face with a towel after every song.

Then around 11:15 it was time to leave to go to 34th and see my other team and team’s director perform. I got there around 11:45 and got a couple bachata songs to dance in before the performances started. The first one was a couple, and I could tell the guy knew what he was doing and the female he was dancing with was really stiff and he was struggling to lead her the way he wanted to. In the end it looked like he was relieved to be finished performing with that chick, who was probably a nightmare to perform with, with the way she looked out there.

I believe our team was up next. Only 2 couples were able to make it to this one. Anyway the song starts and it was the wrong one. The host makes a joke about it and plays the next one. Wrong song again. Haha…finally after a few seconds of awkward waiting they finally got it. Everything was looking good until…one dude slides and bam, he falls and messes up. Crowd goes WHOAAA…then claps and cheers when he gets back up and resumes the routine. They finish the rest of it with no issues but you could see the disappointment in their faces. I’m pretty sure I’ll get to hear more of it on Monday. I wonder what was going through his mind when that happened. I honestly thought it was funny, not in the way it was making fun, but just in a comical way. Shit happens, and you just have to roll with it.

Our team director and his partner went up next. They did extremely well, and although there was one minor error, our director is really good at covering up his mistakes and making the rest look good. He’s a real pro, and that’s the reason I joined his team. I can’t wait to finish learning our song and having the chance to perform it.

After all the performances were done I went back to the bachata room to get a few songs in before I had to leave. Safe to say I left on a good note. I could’ve stayed a bit longer had I known that my train ride home was going to be delayed by a good half hour. And so here I am writing this and I’m pretty drowsy already. I’m still waiting for my blanket to be done from the dryer and I have a bunch of clothes I need to fold and put away in the dresser. Shit.

Before I go I need to add this…so after dancing tonight I realized some things I need to work on. I need to be a lot smoother. I’m better than what I was a month or so ago but I still have some rough edges here and there. Fuck I’m so sleepy I can’t think anymore.

I’m out.

Chilvary is dead…except in bachata

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I need to start sleeping early, cause every time I stay up late and don’t get enough sleep, I get anxious, like I’ve been missing out on precious hours of the day. So I finally went to the long-awaited Friday night event at my favorite spot in PA last night, and, well, it was just okay. I started off slow, wasn’t really trying to dance close, and didn’t get that vibe from the girls I danced with as well. I think what threw me off a bit was the fact that I wore my brand new white patent dance shoes for the first time and I felt weird wearing it. Not only that, but I expected it to be a little roomy and to my surprise it ended up being too snug for my liking. I have consistently bought the same size from the same company and yet this was the first time it happened. But I decided to dance with it anyway instead of exchanging it like I should’ve.

So the first hour was slow, then they started the performances, which took a half hour since there were so many groups. I wasn’t really impressed with many of them except the team I was on. There was one bachata group that was decent but I thought they were trying too hard by dancing fast on a song that was meant to be slow paced. For the first time it also felt good to be a part of a group. I got there around 9:30 and the salsa lessons were ongoing in the main room. I stood outside the circle like I normally do, and I heard my name. It was D, and he was cool enough to point me where our team’s table was, where I saw other people in our group. I felt welcomed and accepted, which was a refreshing feeling. I’m actually making friends? Wow…

After the performances were done, I danced a couple of salsa songs and went back to the bachata room as usual. Things started to finally get better. I saw people I’ve danced with on previous events and danced with them. I was having fun. But I was also sweating a lot. I ended up changing my shirt 3 times over the course of the night. I wish I could change my pants and underwear though cause I was definitely sweaty down there. There was this one girl I danced with who’s super smoking hot though. I don’t remember her being that tall. I do remember being attracted to her the first time I saw her, but then it kind of waned a bit over time. I’ve seen videos of her performances on facebook and I didn’t think she looked as hot as I remembered her to be. But then I saw her in person again last night and I instantly felt it. I was just standing there minding my own business and next thing I know, she comes up to ask me for a dance. I remember the song too. It was the bachata version of the song “Chivalry is Dead.” Man, whoever gets to be with her is one extremely lucky dude. She’s pretty much the full package. Pretty face, sexy body, tall, great dancer, and not stuck-up. You can’t ask for any more than that.

This night definitely felt like it ended too quickly. It wasn’t long before it was already 2 AM, and the event was over before I knew it. I still felt like I could’ve danced a few more hours, but I could tell as soon as I got home that I put my legs and feet through a lot, especially after dancing in those shoes that were too snug for my comfort.

So tonight I’ll be in NYC. I’m a bit anxious about going, to be honest, just because there tend to be more guys than girls almost everywhere I go, and it’s frustrating. If guys can learn to be less thirsty about everything, it would make things better. But no, most men act like dogs and can’t control themselves. Yes, I’m a man and I have the same instincts and desire as any other, but I can control it. I can be respectful and mindful of a woman’s boundaries even if deep inside I want nothing more than to…use your imagination here.

For example, I got to practice with a fellow dance teammate at HER place yesterday, and we were alone the entire time. We just did what we were supposed to do. She was nice enough to cook dinner too even though she didn’t have to. She wanted to come down to PA but eventually decided against it since she lives in NY. After dinner she took a shower while I cleaned up and she came out only wearing her towel and asked me for directions to get to PA. Did I try anything? Of course not. Was I curious about how she looked underneath her towel? YES. I wasn’t going to try and find out though, cause it wasn’t appropriate.

Yes, I’m also single and could try to hook up with anyone I like. But I also have to be selective about it. Not that there’s anything wrong with her, the point is we may have different intentions. I’m only looking to have fun if I have that opportunity, while others may be looking for something more. So it’s  up to me to communicate that if the window of opportunity opens.

Anyway, I’m done rambling about this. I have to get a quick workout in, take a shower, and head to NYC. I’ll write about how it turns out later.

Ugh frustrated

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I had a few good dances in tonight but overall I was disappointed. It was supposed to be 50/50 with salsa and bachata but they played more salsa and even put in kizomba in place of bachata at times, which was frustrating to deal with. What the fuck is wrong with people around here…I just want to go back to that place where they play 100% bachata in one big room. I have no problem staying there all night.

Fuck this shit. I’m going to sleep and try to forget about the nonsense I dealt with tonight.

Se Busca un Corazon (Wanted: a heart)

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It would be great if I could speak spanish, that way, I don’t have to look up translations for bachata lyrics when I want to. One of my favorite artists is Daniel Santacruz and after reading the translation for his song “Se Busca un Corazon,” I started to gain more of an appreciation for it. I’ve looked up his other songs too and whenever I read them it’s like I feel a oneness with each song itself, as if I started to feel the emotions of the singer as they performed the song.

Wanted: A Heart

“Wanted: a passionate heart, it doesn’t matter if it’s been
Mistreated. Looking for a heart that needs to feel just a little bit in love like I do.

Wanted: a hopeful, but not necessarily obsessed heart
That wants to discover the good side of love
And feels at peace by my side

I’m looking for kisses that shape to my lips
That take away the sour taste of the past
I’m going around looking for dreams forgotten in the left pocket of my disappointment

Wanted: a heart that jumps with joy to the soft touch of my hand. Looking for a heart that feels like me. Looking for a heart that wants to love and be loved, that could paint the past in happier colors. A heart that would melt here by my side, that wants to talk about love with my lips. A desperate heart to fall back in love. If anyone has any information, please come and I’ll be waiting

I’m looking for kisses that shape to my lips
That take away the sour taste of the past
I’m going around looking for dreams forgotten in the left pocket of my disappointment

Wanted: a heart that jumps with joy to the soft touch of my hand. Looking for a heart that feels like me. Looking for a heart that wants to love and be loved, that could paint the past in happier colors. A heart that would melt here by my side, that wants to talk about love with my lips. A desperate heart ready to fall back in love. If anyone has any information, please come and I’ll be waiting

Wanted: a heart, Wanted: a heart, Wanted: a heart that wants my love, a desperate heart ready to fall back in love, if anyone has any information, please come and I’ll be waiting”

 

I guess this is what happens when I don’t get to dance for one Friday night. I made the mistake of staying local and it was too late to change course. I got there at 10:30 and there was no one on the dance floor and people were just sitting around wasting time. So I wasn’t gonna go in there and wait around till people decide to get up and do something. In NY or Philly this will never happen. Jersey is like the armpit. But tomorrow night should be good. I get to see friends and dance with actual dancers. I just need to go to bed and forget about tonight.

I just ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯ my way through life

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I find that I need to remain open-minded towards any event that happens in life, whether it’s negative or positive. I hung out with my good friend G for a few hours in Philly then went to meet with J after to see Deadpool. I really appreciate the fact that she’s been consistent with following through whenever we make plans. A lot of people tend to be flaky or unsure of what they want till the last minute and I tend to stay away from those types. I’d rather be with those who can make a decision and are able to stick with them unless something happens where it’s understandable to back out. So far, J doesn’t disappoint. No, I didn’t try to kiss her or anything tonight. It just didn’t feel like the right time, and it would’ve felt forced on my part, even though I did feel an urge to do it. I still had a good time just hanging out with her though. We went to a diner afterwards and talked for a while till I dropped her off at her place. There’s a chance we might meet up to dance on Saturday but we’ll see how her friend feels about taking a trip there. It would be cool to see her there, as there will be a lot of experienced dancers going, but I’ll understand if she couldn’t make it, as it is quite a drive to get there.

Since I haven’t social danced in a while, I’m pretty anxious about tomorrow. I have quite a few choices on where to go, but I haven’t decided yet where. There is one spot that’s really close and supposedly there will be people coming in from Philly, so it would be cool if I could dance with some of them. There’s also another spot at a nearby town but it’s doubtful I’d go there. And there’s always my favorite spot in NYC but I’d have to take the train home early so I can get some sleep before work in the morning. I may just take the risk and go local. And if it doesn’t work out, oh well. I still have Saturday night to enjoy.

I have work on Sunday but it’s also my mom’s birthday. I’m not sure if she’d like to go out somewhere and I also have rehearsal. So I’m a bit torn about this. We’ll see what happens I guess.

And once again my mind is racing. I suppose I’m worried about how things are going to work out with the new job, school, and my dance hobby. Will I have enough to pay rent, bills, monthly dues for all the teams I’m in? Will I have enough time to concentrate on school so I can pass each test that I’m given? I can just tell it’s going to be tricky. I may just postpone going back to school for another few months, at least until I’m done performing all my routines. I think I can at least hold off until July, when my next enlistment bonus will kick in.

I might just do that, so I don’t have to feel overwhelmed by everything going on around me and just focus on what’s important at the time.

Road to dance heaven

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I haven’t had much luck sleeping early, always up till about 6 in the morning before I fall asleep. Tonight I tried going to bed by 2, which I did, but then ended up waking up around 3 and could not fall back asleep. I’m pretty much wide awake at about 6 AM right now. There’s just so much going on in my mind. I have a lot of goals I’d like to achieve this year, most of it involving things I love, which I suppose is why I can’t stop thinking about it and how good it would feel to finally accomplish them.

So as of now, I’m on 5 dance teams. 3 bachata, 1 kizomba, and 1 salsa. I kinda got dragged into the salsa one, but I instantly felt a difference in the way I approach bachata after the 2nd rehearsal. And it’s probably the most challenging out of all the routines I’m learning because it’s really fast. I’m still having trouble with the footwork and some of the partnerwork, which has been somewhat giving me anxiety.

Anyway, I can’t wait to social dance again, which probably won’t happen until Friday night. Even then, I won’t have much time to do so, as I have to get to bed early to get to work by 6 AM on Saturday.

But before we go there, tomorrow I’m going to the movies with J to see Deadpool after I hang out with my good friend G in Philly. It should be interesting how things play out. I feel a certain attraction towards J but I’m hesitant to make a move because I’m not looking to get into a relationship right now and I don’t want to end up hurting her feelings if she is. And while it’s comforting to have that someone, I don’t feel ready to make that commitment towards anyone unless I feel a strong, uncontrollable urge to be with them. I do enjoy spending time with her as we get along well and she trusted me enough to give me her address to come pick her up. So that’s Thursday.

Friday, I can get a workout in during the day and go out at night. It’d be cool to make it to NYC to dance at my favorite spot, and then go home early so I can sleep before work. If not, there’s a local spot I can go to for a little while and I don’t have to travel far.

Saturday, I have reserve duty. It should be a fairly chill day, hopefully. Then I can leave early enough to take a nap before going to a social at 9 pm. It should be a fun night as there will be experienced dancers there and I’m excited to dance some bachata at last. Of course I have to leave early again so I can function at work on Sunday.

Sunday, I hope to leave earlier again, and I may be able to sneak in a 15-20 nap before rehearsal. But if I can at least take a shower, that’d be nice. I’m pretty excited about rehearsal as well since we’ll probably learn new material.

Monday, I start my new job. It seems like I landed a good one here, as I only work 4-7 from Monday to Thursday with commission. I can go to school and have time to make it to work right after, then do any dance-related stuff after work. It’s perfect. I hope it works out.

I think the one thing that keeps me up at night is the fact that I’m so anxious about getting better, I really want it that bad. I keep thinking of all these new moves I want to try out and it sucks not being able to practice it with someone. I’m anxious to go back to Philly and have girls asking me to dance all night. It sounds like so much fun.

 

Reality check

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Dancing in New York is so different from dancing in Philadelphia. I went to this one social on 34th street and man, was it crowded. You could barely walk around the place and it was decently big. At the same time if you’re a male you’re at a slight disadvantage due to the fact there are more men than women and you have to be aggressive when it comes to finding women to dance with. If there’s a hot girl you really have to go after her, like go up to her as soon as she’s done with the song. I had a few good dances and most I enjoyed, but not as much as I would if I were in Philly. Women are more friendly there and they’ll stay and chat with you to get to know you a bit. It’s a big city but people are still welcoming.

New York is also a big city but it’s tough to try and build relationships there. Guys are so thirsty at these places it’s disgusting. I have to be the opposite and act like I’m not interested in anything more than just a dance. It’s whatever though. It gives me more of an appreciation for the good times I have when I dance in Philly.

Overall I do believe I’ve at least improved a little bit. I have my own style that I think is different than what most guys try to do. Most guys use memorized turn patterns and always try to get the girl to dance closer as soon as possible. I, on the other hand, play with the music and mess around with footwork and moving around the floor and slowly make my way towards are more intimate dance. Then I pull away when she least expects it and pull her back in again. I still mess up a lot but it’s all good. I just try to have fun with it cause dancing is supposed to be a fun activity, not something that you do to meet women and try to get laid, although it’s nice to get lucky once in a while.

Tomorrow is another rehearsal. I haven’t practiced the material since last week so I hope to have some time for it early tomorrow or maybe even tonight.