I hate when feelings get involved. This is probably the most exciting yet confusing time of my life. I’m dating someone who I never initially thought of being with at first because I wasn’t really attracted and now I feel like I’m in love with her. Normally I’d know where I stand with whoever I’m dating but this time it’s different. I feel like she really likes me but she’s also been sending me mixed messages. We got together for a week, then she decided to split after and wanted to stay friends, which I was reluctant to do. She kept initiating texts with me and we started hanging out again but only as friends. A couple weeks go by and we started getting close again, like hugging more often and holding hands again but no kissing. Eventually it led to kissing and we’re right back to where we started. She even invited me to her thanksgiving get together which involved all her Russian speaking friends and I was the only one who didn’t. It was a bit awkward for a while but they were friendly later on. I just couldn’t understand why she invited me out of all her guy friends. And then we finally go all the way after, which I never expected because I never tried to do it with her. I enjoyed it yet a part of me couldn’t enjoy it fully because of all the feelings I’ve been having, which is truly unusual because I haven’t had feelings like this towards anyone in a very long time. I thought I was done falling in love and it would never happen again. For me, having good chemistry and regular sex with someone was enough. I don’t want feelings to complicate things and make me question my entire life. But let me get to the point. I pretty much feel like this is all going to be over any time soon. She confessed to me that she ideally wanted to be with someone who made as much money as she did, because she’s able to go on trips almost anytime she wanted and she wanted someone to travel with. And she also believed in traditional gender roles, meaning the man should be making the most money and providing for the family. Now she knows I don’t make nearly as much as she does, and this is one of the reasons she has her uncertainties about me and also why I started to feel like I’m not good enough. So I don’t even know why I bother trying sometimes. I don’t want to hold her back, yet a close friend told me to just give it a shot and see how it goes because you never know. Unfortunately I am plagued with these thoughts all the time now and with the recent news of me only working part time now, these feelings of uncertainty have gotten stronger. I don’t know how much longer I can hold on and I’m truly afraid of feeling hurt again, though I have found ways of coping with the pain, such as working out and using music as my escape. Every time I look into her eyes I fall deeper and deeper. I feel like she has feelings for me as well but hearing those words hurt. I don’t know what to do honestly, but I guess I just needed to get it out of my chest to feel a little better.o
It’s been a roller coaster ride since I last wrote here. When I broke up with my ex in February, it was a good thing. She moved on with her life and found someone else more deserving than I am, and I moved on to be the best person I can be. I haven’t made a real effort to find anyone new since that hasn’t been my main focus. All I wanted to do was dance and be better than I was yesterday. But sometimes things happen when you least expect it. I met someone new who was assigned to me as my dance partner. She was very reserved at first but we worked on building our connection and chemistry, and it didn’t take long before we actually looked good and stood out among our group. We also started spending more time with each other and ended up being more than just dance partners. I wasn’t initially interested in anything more than dancing but it happened. I thought she really liked me so I started having feelings for her, which turned out to be a bad idea. A week later, and the next day after I just spent the night at her place, I get a text saying we should just be friends. My heart sank and I felt a drop in my stomach. I was at work and I found it difficult to maintain my composure. I even wanted to go home early after lunch. But I persevered and decided to deal with it and act like nothing happened. I lost my appetite though so I didn’t get to eat and I was cold the rest of the time at work. Despite all the hurt I felt, she still wanted me to come over to talk and practice the routine a few times. I agreed reluctantly. After work I decided to go for a run and lift weights, which helped ease the pain a bit. I go there to see her and we spoke about it. She claims she’s still trying to get over her ex and she still wants to be friends because she claims that I help her stop taking her anti anxiety medications. I don’t know if I can believe it. I feel like it’s just another excuse and next thing you know she’s dating someone else. Not that I should care but I’d rather not associate with someone like that. It’s also my fault for letting my guard down. I was so content in staying single and just dancing. I didn’t think it made sense to be with anyone since I’m leaving the country in March for 6 months. I felt like such a fool, like how could I possibly fall for this nonsense? Anyway, I’m still stuck with her and I don’t want to change partners and spread drama and gossip among our team. I will just do my best to go through it. Luckily I have my original partner still, who I hope is still cool with me. This other girl was the secondary and I guess I’m glad this shit didn’t happen much later before our audition video. I won’t see her again until next Tuesday probably, as I will be away in Boston next weekend and on Monday I’m practicing with my main partner. I do need the time to myself and do my best to move on. Things will just never be the same between us. I still can’t believe I let myself feel deeply for someone like this. I need to be more careful next time. I won’t let anyone affect me like this. I’m responsible for my happiness and no one else. I have myself and that’s all I need.
It would be great if I could speak spanish, that way, I don’t have to look up translations for bachata lyrics when I want to. One of my favorite artists is Daniel Santacruz and after reading the translation for his song “Se Busca un Corazon,” I started to gain more of an appreciation for it. I’ve looked up his other songs too and whenever I read them it’s like I feel a oneness with each song itself, as if I started to feel the emotions of the singer as they performed the song.
Wanted: A Heart
“Wanted: a passionate heart, it doesn’t matter if it’s been
Mistreated. Looking for a heart that needs to feel just a little bit in love like I do.
Wanted: a hopeful, but not necessarily obsessed heart
That wants to discover the good side of love
And feels at peace by my side
I’m looking for kisses that shape to my lips
That take away the sour taste of the past
I’m going around looking for dreams forgotten in the left pocket of my disappointment
Wanted: a heart that jumps with joy to the soft touch of my hand. Looking for a heart that feels like me. Looking for a heart that wants to love and be loved, that could paint the past in happier colors. A heart that would melt here by my side, that wants to talk about love with my lips. A desperate heart to fall back in love. If anyone has any information, please come and I’ll be waiting
I’m looking for kisses that shape to my lips
That take away the sour taste of the past
I’m going around looking for dreams forgotten in the left pocket of my disappointment
Wanted: a heart that jumps with joy to the soft touch of my hand. Looking for a heart that feels like me. Looking for a heart that wants to love and be loved, that could paint the past in happier colors. A heart that would melt here by my side, that wants to talk about love with my lips. A desperate heart ready to fall back in love. If anyone has any information, please come and I’ll be waiting
Wanted: a heart, Wanted: a heart, Wanted: a heart that wants my love, a desperate heart ready to fall back in love, if anyone has any information, please come and I’ll be waiting”
I guess this is what happens when I don’t get to dance for one Friday night. I made the mistake of staying local and it was too late to change course. I got there at 10:30 and there was no one on the dance floor and people were just sitting around wasting time. So I wasn’t gonna go in there and wait around till people decide to get up and do something. In NY or Philly this will never happen. Jersey is like the armpit. But tomorrow night should be good. I get to see friends and dance with actual dancers. I just need to go to bed and forget about tonight.
I woke up earlier than I expected and I was just tired from not getting enough sleep. I barely made it to rehearsal on time, and I was exhausted after the first one, and had to push through the kizomba one. Luckily I had a cool partner that I enjoyed dancing with so it made it a lot easier. I went home afterwards, took a shower, and got ready to go to a social in Philly. I would’ve liked to be there by 9 to make it to the bachata lesson, but I was tired and had stuff to take care of at home before leaving so I didn’t get to leave till around about 9. I got there shortly after 10 and they had just started the social. I saw my friend R and got to dance a couple bachata songs with her to start off the night. Then I saw my new friend M that I met from the night before. It was cool to see her, and we got to dance several different songs. She’s a beginner but I still enjoyed my time with her. I liked her accent and soft touch. It was fun.
Then to my surprise, women started asking me to dance. Again. But there was one particular girl that I danced with throughout the night that I enjoyed my time the most. She asked me to dance some kizomba first and I told her I’m a beginner and don’t know much. Within the first few seconds I could tell she was a good follow. Turns out she’s been dancing her entire life, just not ballroom and latin dances, so she has a good idea on what to do. I asked her to dance some bachata with me after the kizomba and that’s what played next. I thought she was an amazing follow even though she never danced bachata on a regular basis. It was so much fun. And she’s really pretty too. After a few more songs, I asked for her facebook but she couldn’t find her name on my phone since she has a really common one, so I added her on Instagram instead. Oh well. She was definitely my favorite partner for the night, and every time a bachata song came on, she looked for me and I looked for her. It was pretty sweet.
Unfortunately, as much as I felt an attraction towards her, she’s too young for me. She told me she just turned 18 over a week ago and she’s still a junior in high school. Wow…I was shocked. That’s when I realized she was with her mom and probably her sister. I still danced with her a few more times after that, but I definitely toned things down a bit. If I was younger like 20-22, I’d probably have wanted to pursue her, but I’m a lot older and while I still feel young, it just feels wrong despite the fact she’s of legal age. I felt so disappointed though, cause she’s simply beautiful and it felt so good to dance with her. We had so much fun. But it is what it is. I’m not sure if I’ll ever see her again but I wouldn’t mind. At the same time it’s not like I should be pursuing anyone anyway. My focus is just to have fun.
There was another pretty girl who asked me to dance. She was taller, skinny, and had a nice body. She was fun too, although I felt like she moved around a bit too much that I couldn’t get her to follow the way I wanted her too. Surprisingly she still enjoyed dancing with me and didn’t mind dancing a few more songs later on. I’m not sure if she’s the same person but I could’ve sworn I asked her to dance at another studio a few weeks ago and she said no to me, which was why I never asked her to dance with me when I saw her tonight. And it’s also another reason I was surprised she came up to me to ask me to dance.
Overall, it was a really fun night. I ended up staying there till the end. And I’m still in disbelief over the fact that women have been coming up to me for dances this weekend. I wouldn’t mind having this trend continue. Makes my job easier as a guy haha. I don’t have to spend so much energy looking for girls to ask for a dance.
Later today I have another rehearsal early in the afternoon. Afterwards I hope to practice the material for Monday so I’m ready for it.
There’s still Tuesday. I haven’t decided whether I want to join the salsa team. As much as I’m resisting it, I feel like I might actually benefit a lot from it. I may just do it because J needs me and I want to help. I’m so fucking tired I need sleep. I still can’t get over this girl, it sucks. But call me crazy, I believe in zodiac signs. I’m a virgo and she’s an aquarius, according to her birthday. And I know we’re not compatible signs, but I still can’t help but feel that attraction. I swore after dating my ex of 4 years who’s also an aquarius that I’ll never date another girl whose sign is incompatible with mine cause I know it just doesn’t work, and if it does, it takes a lot of effort. My last 2 girlfriends were Taurus and Gemini, and we got along really well. There were really no issues. My new friend J is a cancer, and we get along great also. While I sense some attraction there, I think we’ll just stay friends, and that’s fine with me.
I’ve always been curious about having a Pisces girlfriend though. I know virgo’s are definitely compatible with them. I sorta dated one back when I was 20 but I was extremely immature. She had her own issues too, and I felt like whatever we had was never meant to be since she planned on going to a college that’s out of state. Oh yeah, I did go out on a date with a pisces girl almost 2 years ago, when I went back to the Philippines. I wasn’t particularly attracted to her, but we still had a connection. This girl was like in love with me though, and she constantly messaged me on facebook, even though I ignored the majority of them. I just didn’t think there’d be a future since we live so far apart and I don’t foresee myself going back there anytime soon.
And this time around, I’m gonna have to be extremely picky. I know exactly what I want. I want a real pretty girl I’m physically attracted to and have a great connection with on the dance floor. I want us to get along great just like I did with my 2 previous ex’s, and I want our signs to be compatible as well so I don’t have to worry about nonsense. I know she’s out there somewhere. Right now I’ll just focus on what I’ve been focusing on and I’m pretty sure she’ll turn up at some point. Life is good as it is and I intend to keep it that way.
I feel like I’ve finally made a REAL breakthrough. I went out social dancing tonight as usual at my new favorite spot and to my surprise, I actually had women come up to me right after a song ended, to ask me to dance. What world am I living in???? I was in total shock but very happy at the same time. All this practice has finally been paying off. I love dancing at this spot in PA. Almost every single girl I dance with enjoy dancing close with me. It could be because I’ve mostly danced in NYC and their style is a bit different from there that they think it’s refreshing. Or have I actually made real improvements in my dancing overall? I certainly felt like the man tonight. I danced with so many sexy girls, it was awesome. And the venue is just amazing. The floor is so big, there’s no way you can bump into another couple on the floor. Anyway, I’m still on a high from tonight and I can see it carrying on for the next few days. I suppose it’s a good trade off from going to Hawaii. Later tonight (it’s Saturday morning) is another social and I’m excited about it. I get to dance with my friend R and she’s so much fun. She likes to feel the music like I do and it gets pretty intense at times. I’d write more but I’m so tired that I need to sleep before the afternoon rehearsal. Peace
Feeling a bit overwhelmed right now. I just got asked to join a salsa team cause they need guys, but I’m not sure if I want to cause that would make it 5 teams and 5 routines for me to learn. I want to take on the challenge but a part of me says to be realistic about it.
At the same time I’m feeling a bit lonely. It would be nice to have some female affection. And I just broke up with my (ex)girlfriend earlier this week. She did nothing wrong, I just wanted to be single and not have to be tied down to anyone right now. I do wish I had someone to talk to about this stuff.
I suppose I’ll talk about some positives this past week and maybe that’ll make me feel a little better. I’ve been talking with J online about meeting up to dance since we met and we finally did this past Friday. I was a little iffy about the venue at first because I don’t like jersey but the lessons were actually pretty good and they had a good turnout. The male to female ratio was pretty even and there were more women towards the end. J made it towards the last half of the lesson and got her to join in. It felt good to see her, and that our plans came to fruition, especially since she drove 1.5 hours to get there, while it only took me about 15 minutes. I do have a problem when it comes to having friends with me and that is I tend to dance more with them than I do with other people on the floor. Normally if I’m by myself I walk around the room and look for girls to ask, but this time I stayed in our section and asked whoever I knew or was near. I’ll have to work on that.
She’s pretty cool but I realize I get bored if I dance with the same person repeatedly, cause it feels like they know all my moves and like the novelty of it wears off. Another thing I like is that we can talk and not really get bored. We ended up staying there till close to 2 and went to a nearby diner to eat before parting ways. We hung out for an hour and got to know some fairly intimate details about her.
The next day I had rehearsal for the first time on my 3rd bachata team and 1st kizomba one. The bachata one went well but I definitely need to practice to get the timing. The kizomba one went well also and I just need to listen to the music to get the timing down as well, but the moves are easy so far. Afterwards, I went home, ate, took a 15 minute nap, showered, and drove down to south jersey to meet with J again at another venue. My night didn’t go as well and I wasn’t feeling the people there either. I was dumb enough to dance through 5-6 songs straight and had my shirt drenched in sweat, which made me feel extremely uncomfortable, enough to make me go back outside to my car and change my shirt. After that, I wasn’t really motivated to dance with anyone anymore as it seemed like every time I wanted to ask someone to dance, someone else had gotten their attention before I did. I was turned off by that, and to top it off, there was this pretty girl who approached the dance floor and I thought she was looking to get asked, so I did, and she said no, she was looking for a friend. I felt deflated and angry after that, to be honest. Like fuck this bitch, I’m never gonna ask her again the next time, have fun dancing with these old dudes who suck.
The good thing about this night was that J had to leave early since she had to go somewhere early the next day. So shortly before midnight we left to go to Dunkin Donuts so she could use the bathroom since the one in the venue was out of order. On the way back we got pulled over right away, and it turns out she made a right turn on red when she wasn’t supposed to. Luckily the cop let us go since he just wanted to make sure she wasn’t drinking. We drove back to the venue, parked, and talked some more before parting ways.
The next day I woke up past noon, and barely got ready for the 3:30 rehearsal. It was a good session, although the new part of the routine I learned was difficult. I’m gonna have to practice this one a lot before being fully comfortable with it. And I’m still not even fully comfortable with the footwork from the week prior. The good thing is that next week we won’t be learning new material and we’ll have a chance to review everything and get some practice.
But the one thing I’m stressed about now is the fact that I got asked to join a salsa team, which would make it 5 routines that I’d have to memorize if I decide to do it. I told him I’ll think about it and on Tuesday I get a chance to observe the rehearsal and make my decision then.
Also, I have a job interview in the morning at 8 AM. It sounds like a possibly promising position since the hours work well with my dance schedule. Then I have to remember to collect my unemployment afterwards and drop off a package at the post office. Ugh, it’s going to be a fairly busy morning.
My life is just crazy right now. I’m even thinking about postponing going to school if this job goes well. I wouldn’t want to be a dickhead and work full time for not even 2 months only to leave because school started. And on top of that, I have my 2-week annual tour next month, which will make me unable to work my normal job if I did get it. More than likely I may have to reschedule it to accommodate them and to show that I’m taking the job seriously.
Fuck my life…
It’s been a real busy week. Last night I went to NYC to dance and it wasn’t as good as I expected, although I had ONE good memorable dance that I enjoyed and learned from, which is one positive I can take from it. This girl was close to my height (6’1″) and she had a pretty face and nice body. I could tell she was a good follow and I sensed a green light to get up close and intimate right from the start. I played around with some basic stuff and footwork at first just to get a feel for her and whenever the song dictated to get closer, I did. She responded real well, and I was able to do almost whatever I wanted. Of course, I messed up a few times, but she was cool with it, we just kept going cause she seemed to enjoy the closeness we had. And I love how we were looking in each other’s eyes the entire time till the end. I’d love to dance with her again the next time I see her, whatever her name is. Lol…Other than that, the party was kinda lame. They advertised that the bachata room would be open, but in reality they opened it super late and only for a short period of time, for maybe a bit more than an hour, which was real disappointing considering that I was there since 7 PM and did not leave until past 1 AM, and they stay open until 4. I’m decent at salsa but I cannot dance it for a long period of time. I just get super bored with it and I don’t want to be dancing in a fast pace the entire time. I enjoy dancing slow and close with my partner, and I have the option of going faster if I wanted to.
Then earlier today I came to the studio to assist in the make-up auditions. Unsurprisingly, this time it’s mostly guys who showed up and only 2 women did. I guess I got lucky last week. After the audition, I went to rehearsal for my 2nd bachata team. They introduced some new footwork and the partnerwork for the intro. It was really cool, I was impressed. I look forward to practicing and getting it down soon.
Tomorrow is Monday again and I’m actually nervous about this one, cause I still haven’t successfully mastered the last couple spins from last week. I’ll try to get up earlier than usual and practice my spins so I can get it down. I do look forward to being there so I can get my skills up further. And I can already tell it’s going to be a busy week.
My new friend J and I have started talking about meeting up on a weekend to dance. I’m really looking forward to it since we had a really good connection when we danced. And I hate to say this but I’m starting to think I’m not ready for my girlfriend to move up here in the summer. Nor do I think I’m ready to be more than a boyfriend to her. I hate to be the one to break things off cause I don’t want anyone’s feelings to be hurt. The crazy part is I have a flight booked to go see her by the end of the month. God damn. It’s going to be a crazy month.
I finally went to this place in Philly after watching it on FB for a while. I normally go to my favorite spot in NYC but figured I should change it up tonight so I did. I got there at 8:30 to take the beginner Argentine tango lessons. To my pleasant surprise, the women outnumbered the men! What a welcome sight to see, compared to what I’ve had to deal with in NJ/NYC recently. The lessons weren’t that great, but it was enough to get me started for the time being. I did meet this one girl who I felt was a really good follow, and we were chatting instantly. After the lessons were over, I asked her to save me a dance for later and she agreed.
The next lesson was either bachata or salsa and of course you know what I chose. They had 4 separate rooms for each type of dance, which is awesome, cause I wanted to dance mostly bachata. The lesson started out kinda beginner-like at first, but the instructor added some cool stuff that I could use later so that wasn’t bad. The women outnumbered the men again, but not by much. It was still good though. After the lessons, I had a few good dances in. I really feel like that private lesson I took has been paying off. I feel a significant difference in my confidence as a dancer and my leads as a whole. Tonight I was able to dance more in an intimate way with more women than I’ve had in a while.
What kinda sucks is the fact that I sweat so freakin much. It only takes 2 songs for me to start sweating profusely that I’m typically forced to retreat to the bathroom to wipe all the sweat off my head and neck. Anyway, at some point I took a break and sat outside the bachata room for a bit, and that’s when I saw J again and we started talking. Surprisingly it lasted a while and after I got to cool off and dried enough to start fresh, we went in to dance some bachata. It was really refreshing to be able to dance with her, because the connection we had was amazing. She was pretty receptive with my leads and let me do whatever I liked. Of course I messed up a few times but we just laughed it off. I could honestly say I had some of my best dances with her and I’m pretty much feeling high from it. I wish to have that experience again. I added her on FB so hopefully we can meet up on another weekend sometime and have more dances like that.
The rest of the night ended up with me getting more dances with her and a bunch of other people. We said our goodbyes around 1:45 and I danced a couple more songs before I left. I definitely felt like I had enough practice tonight, which is awesome. Usually when I leave NYC there’s a feeling of not being satisfied, whereas tonight I did get that feeling. Tonight was so good I thought it was a Saturday and tomorrow is Sunday, where I get to assist in the bachata team audition and go to a 2-hour rehearsal for another team right after.
But no, it’s still Saturday morning and I have Saturday night dancing to do in NYC, and I actually get to see some friends perform there, which is nice. I hope I get to dance some bachata with A, since we never actually social danced before, even though I’ve danced with her in lessons multiple times. It should be interesting and fun. I think we have a pretty good connection also. I can tell she wants to dance with me and she enjoys it. And she’s also very receptive and is an amazing follow herself.
I love NYC but man, the thirst is real over there. I used to think it was good to dance there, since I get to meet some experienced dancers, but some of them are kinda stuck up and won’t dance with anyone who aren’t “on their level.” It would be nice if they had a Kizomba room open too. They have a bachata room but it’s pretty small and sometimes they play some merengue which is lame. Anyway, I’ll do what I can and see what happens. Hopefully we can dance at least one song, and maybe even two would be great.
Overall, this week I’ve been dancing pretty much every day since Sunday. If it weren’t for the snowstorm I wouldn’t have taken Friday and Saturday off.
Anyway I’m done writing now. It’s about 4 AM and I’m totally beat. My restless mind needs some sleep, so I can hopefully function tomorrow. Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Those squats I’ve been doing have been paying off! I felt I had more balance and stability when doing dips and getting low when I dance real close. It was refreshing to be able to do that, so I suppose I’ll be stepping it up with my squats so I can be even better next time. And my treadmill finally came in so I’m going to be putting it up sometime this week so I can start running again and get that top PT score come July.
So no shit, there I was, at this salsa club near my apartment for the 2nd Thursday in a row. I wasn’t expecting much since not many experienced dancers come here, but if I could get a few good dances in, I’m good. As soon as I got in, I could already tell there were mostly newbies there and a couple regulars I typically see.
I’ll get to the interesting part. I just got done dancing bachata with someone, and this girl asks me to dance. I already knew she didn’t know how to salsa but I agreed anyway. I figured I could show her some basic steps and after one song, move on. I couldn’t get her to follow the basics no matter how hard I tried and didn’t even bother trying to spin her as that would be like trying too hard. Her grip was pretty tight and tried to get her to relax but no luck. Lol…anyway, the song finally ends, I’m super sweaty from dancing because that’s just how my body is, and I’m hoping to wipe it off in the bathroom. But no, she still had her grip on me and I find myself dancing with her during the next song.
Few seconds later, she starts slowing it down and decides to put her arms around my neck and getting closer to me, like she wants to get intimate on the dance floor. I let it happen and just try to dance close and see what happens. I can at least try to cool off this way and the song will be over before I knew it. She gets really close to my face and I’m like “huh?” and pull away. Then she puts her arms around my neck again to get close. Ok, maybe it’s just part of the dance, I thought. Then she asks me, “Do you want to just go somewhere and make out?”
Now I understood. I finally realized she’d been acting like she’s had a bit much to drink, which is why she was acting that way. I walked her over to her friends and asked them if she was ok, or maybe she drank too much. They tell me she’s fine and act like there’s nothing wrong. Anyway, I left her alone with them and walked away to the bathroom to wipe all the sweat off my head.
I honestly thought she was pretty but I had a feeling it was a bad idea to kiss her. Cause one, that would be cheating. It was VERY tempting, don’t get me wrong. I just thought of how it would hurt my girlfriend and how it could possibly backfire on me, so I didn’t do it. There were people there who know me and know that I’m taken, and they could get me caught. Lol…then again, I don’t think I could take advantage of a drunk girl anyway.
I did get some decent dances in and I ended up pretty sweaty at the end of the night, so it wasn’t too bad. And I got asked to dance a few times, so that’s a plus. It shows that I’m getting better. I do wish they played some Kizomba though, as I’m starting to learn it and I’ve been having fun with it. It’s an intimate dance and you can get really close with the person you’re dancing with.
It seems like every day I’m doing something, which is nice for a change. There’s always an option to go to for dancing. Tomorrow I’m going to a party in Philly, with a chance to take 4 different lessons in a row for free and dance until 2 AM. Saturday I’ll be in NYC for some salsa and bachata, and watching some people perform. Sunday I’ll be assisting in the bachata team audition and then going to rehearsal for another team afterwards.
Next Monday I’m back in NYC for a different team rehearsal. Tuesday is bachata and salsa lessons. Wednesday I can either take the martial arts lessons, or the Kizomba one in Philly and practice afterwards. Thursday I can go to that god forsaken club again or possibly Philly. Then Friday I’m back in NYC at my favorite club. And so on…I can do this shit every day literally. It’s pretty awesome.
It’s Saturday morning at last…the week is almost over. So much as happened since. My legs are still sore from Wednesday when we had our first MMA training session. I pulled a muscle in my thigh so I had to stop for a few minutes after doing squats. The next day I could barely walk from being sore and my upper body hurt too. I’m just glad the pain has finally receded to where I can go back to working out again by tomorrow. I’ll be doing the same exercises we did on Wednesday so when it comes time to train again, I’ll be ready.
I also took a 2-hour private dance lesson before the MMA session. I’d say I learned quite a bit and felt an improvement in how I approach things when it comes to dancing with a partner. At first I felt timid, nervous, unsure. Then once I understood what I needed to do and how to make things simple in my mind so I don’t think too much, it gave me the confidence to make dancing more fluid for myself.
So my goal for dancing is to be more thorough when it comes to leading. Apparently I’m too gentle and I need to be clearer so my follower doesn’t get confused with what I intend to do.
Anyway, I got to practice tonight and while I didn’t became a dance superstar overnight, I still felt some improvement there, even if I kept things pretty simple. I had some girls ask me to dance, so I’d say that’s a positive sign, even if they’re not exactly lining up to dance with me. I can understand I don’t look very approachable so it is what it is.
One thing I do hate is that I sweat so easily and so much in very little time. Within the first 2 songs I was already dripping in sweat that I’m forced to go to the bathroom and wipe the sweat off my head before heading back out to the dance floor. And by the time I get back, all the girls I wanted to ask are of course taken already, which means I have to wait another few minutes after the song is over to cool off.
Another thing that makes it a bit more difficult to improve is that I’m dancing with girls of different skill levels, and I always have to adjust according to how I should lead them. Some need more tension, and others don’t need much. Oh yeah, the floor was sticky as shit tonight, like someone spilled a drink the night before and no one bothered to mop it up.
Anyway, I’ve decided that I need to start being more frugal with money. I don’t have a job, and while I’m currently collecting unemployment and still have savings, it’s slowly dwindling away and my unemployment is going to run out in a few weeks, so I really need to be careful. I’ve already decided to sell several sneakers I bought that I never worn and a couple that I did wear but are still in great condition.
The private lesson I took cost me quite a bit, and while it was really good knowledge to obtain, I felt kinda stupid for not realizing how simple it is to dance the right way. I need to start focusing on what’s more important now. Quality over quantity. While it was nice to learn some new turn patterns, I feel it also screwed me up cause now I’m trying to think of what patterns to use instead of trying to come up with something on my own, as I’ve been taught to do in the private lesson which cost me an arm and a leg. I’ll still go to the Tuesday bachata lesson but not the Thursday one anymore probably.
I feel like I’m just rambling on and on. I’ve been writing this entry for the past hour probably, switching tabs back and forth until I think of more stuff to write. I’m done. I just hate worrying about things and feeling compelled to write them down so I’d feel better about it. Fuck getting older. Sometimes I wish I was still in my early 20’s, where I felt like the sky’s the limit and I could do whatever I wanted and I had almost limitless energy. Now I’m 30 and still have a lot of shit I want to accomplish. I need a permanent full-time job that pays well. I need to finish school, get my FAA license and my bachelor’s. And I’d like to actually progress in dancing and get over this plateau I’ve been in for the past few years.
If anything I may take private lessons from other teachers if I feel they’ll benefit me and if they’re at a much lower cost. This teacher was super expensive for 2 hours, and while it was worth it, I wouldn’t pay that much again.
Ok. I’m really done. Good night.