Tonight I went salsa dancing at this place that’s 5 minutes away…I normally stay longer than 2 hours but I felt myself being in my head too much so I left early. Not really happy about that but it’s whatever. Whenever I see some attractive women I feel such a strong desire inside of me that the only way to control it is to lock myself in…as is not do anything. I’ve got to be more assertive in getting what I want. It’s not like I’m attempting to get laid at the same time or anything, although that would be nice if it happened, it’s more like not being shy about it and just going after what I want without the fear of rejection. I’ve been rejected many times before and back then, I did not let it affect me. I shouldn’t let it affect me now.
I suppose I feel my confidence hasn’t been up there in a while because I haven’t had much practice dancing and I’m just getting started to get back into it again. I just want to be better than I was before. Way better. I’m doing everything I can to make it happen in the short time that I have. No, I’m not dying any time soon. I have to go to military bootcamp in 2 months, that’s why.
I will do whatever it takes to be the best that I can be at dancing and be back to where I was before AND better. I will get the respect that I deserve because I earned it.
Another thing I noticed was that I was very picky about which songs I would like to dance to and who I want to dance with. It sucks cause most of the time, by the time I get to decide who I want to dance with or if the song I like comes on, somebody else has already asked the person I wanted to dance with. It’s frustrating. It’s like I have to fucking run over to that person and beat others to the race. Damn thirsty motherfuckers lol
I like going to New York because I feel more anonymous and I most likely won’t be remembered by anyone the week after. In Jersey, most people will recognize you the week after. I’m honestly not the most sociable or outgoing person, and in fact I’m quiet, that I’d hate for others to get the impression that I don’t know anyone like others do. I honestly don’t even want to get to know anyone there neither. That’s just who I am.
It was easier in the past because I almost always had a friend or 2 to go to these places with. I was lucky enough at that time to have that and today I don’t, because I got into a relationship, stopped hanging out with those friends, and they pretty much moved on to do something else themselves. I feel like that’s been the cause of my downfall. I have to keep doing me even when I start dating someone. As good as it feels to be with someone, I have to learn to keep my friends and keep in touch so it doesn’t look like I’m a dickhead who’s only there when they’re single and gone in an instant when they’re not.
I’m going to review some of the moves I’ve already learned and try to list them so I can have a set routine in my head. I’m not gonna dance it exactly the way I’ve written it, it’s just for me to remember them so I don’t forget anything I learned.
Tomorrow I’m going to be more assertive, and I will do what I need to do to get what I want. Fuck all ya thirsty niggas.